New Beginnings

When something doesn't work anymore, you should fix it. The problem with fixing things is that you must know a possible solution, or at least the first step to finding the solution.


Ever since I graduated from high school, I have been struggling with my weight. To be honest, and yes I will always be honest here, I have had weight problems since 7th grade. In middle school, I went through a period of depression that lasted about 8 or 9 months consecutively. In this depression, I also developed an unhealthy relationship with food. I went through some sort of anorexia, I weighed less than 100 pounds at one point. The number on the scale was always important. I'm still struggling with trying not to pay attention to it. It will probably always be an issue with me. I'm learning to be okay with that too.

All through high school, I did not eat. I would forget to eat. I would be too stressed to eat. I would eat crappy when I would eat. I didn't know what to eat. Sometimes I was worried that we couldn't afford to buy those nice little things to eat.

This continued when I moved out, except I was dating Michael, who liked to cook. And I had my own money to buy food. So I gained weight. Slowly but surely. And as the stress of work and school added, the more I ate like crap. And the more I gained. And the more I stressed about it. I attempted half-heartedly to diet, but I got bored and frustrated so it never happened.


I've lost weight successfully and then gained it back. I lost about 20 pounds a few years ago with Medifast, but as soon as I stopped it, it all came back. Something was missing. I wasn't listening to my body.



(fast forward)


In this last month, I discovered how amazing food can be. Am I 100% healthy? No. Am I on my way there? Hell yes! It's hard. Some days all I want to do is get ice cream and eat as much as I want until I get sick. And some days, I end up doing that. Life happens. I'm human. I'm trying to manipulate learned behavior that started back when I was 12. That's more than a decade!

So I'm slowly changing things. With the help of my beautiful wonderful friend Terra! I'm developing a more healthy relationship with food. It started with adding sea salt to my water and eating fruit before each meal. Now it's starting to be a routine. Well almost! But I'm getting there.

And can I just add that I had the most amazing sandwich ever today! I had Ezekial bread with green leaf lettuce, cucumber, avocado (I love avocados!), raw sharp cheddar goat cheese, and a little bit of Gala apple. OMG it was amazing. I love eating with my hands. There is something so grounding about it, it feels right.

Now to just get motivated at home. That is my downfall right now - I lose that motivation to be amazing to myself when I get home.

So that's my story. I'll be back tomorrow!