Update on me

I'm ready again to start focusing on me. Or rather I'm getting ready to start focusing on me.

I'm sick of feeling this way. I know I'm getting unhealthier every day. I noticed this week that I keep taking these almost sob-like breaths, not on purpose, it's more of a reaction of some sort in my body. Not sure what's going on, but I can tell something isn't right. I'm not balanced.

Confession time? I haven't been outside in 2 days. I know that's depressing and kinda creepy, but I've been in a funk, a depression. Feeling sorry for myself, getting down on myself, wishing I would just magically change. But I know it won't happen that way. So I've started talking about it.

I know everything will work out okay. I will get a job, or I'll figure out how to work for myself (that's sounding more appealing everyday). Tomorrow I have appointments and places to be.

But I also have to know that it's okay once in a while to not be okay. It's a process. I have a lot of bad things to get out so I can let the good in. I have to work through it.


I've started talking to the girls and guys on the forum I'm on about my frustrations, challenges, roadblocks, ideas. I think the more people I talk to about it, the better this will go. When I stop talking and start bottling like I always do, that is where I run into trouble. I also have to do things my own way. Someone else's way is not going to work for me. It's as simple as that. I know my soul, I know my body, I know my spirit, I know my stubbornness. Who better to decide what is needed to succeed? Sure I'll listen for inspiration, new ideas, recommendations, trivia. But I have to trust myself.



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Side track. The past few weeks I've had flashes of intuition, more than normal. I had a dream that my car wouldn't start. What happens the next day? My batter decides to go caput, need a new one. Thank god for AAA. 6 year warranty! I also had a feeling that I should wear gloves when lunging Marker, that I might get ropeburn. I talked myself out of it. Guess what! Ropeburn on my middle finger. Literally, my universe was giving me the middle finger for not listening.

So I'm listening more. I know everything I need to, I just have to discover it. And perhaps re-read Illusions where I first learned this idea.

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So yes. I'm loving me again. No more headaches. No more aching knees.
I've started the 200 Sit Up Challenge, the 200 Squats Challenge, and the 100 Push Up Challenge. I also want to get started on the Couch to 5k Challenge as well. I get my iPod either Friday or Monday, so I can download the programs that help you time your runs better.

Well, good night all. Here's to trusting your intuition and loving yourself!